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For yesterday...

Me and James attempted to go on a quick quest to get high, but failed. We ended up at Tristan's house waiting for Andrew. Andrew came and brought a bag full of big ass shrooms. I took an eigth for myself, plus some of Tristan's. I ate them fast and just waited for them to hit.

All of a sudden my visuals were going crazy. I never took this much shrooms before. My vision was intense. Colors were extremely bright and vibrant. Lights were extra bright, and everything had a crazy wavy trail following it. I had a fun time looking at myself in the mirror on several occasions. My face would morph, my eyes would grow farther apart and the sides of my cheecks would stretch and indent. I looked into my own pupils and they were bigger than ever. They looked like massive black holes I could fall into.

Everytime I looked in the mirror and stared at myself, it looked like I was staring at a completely different person. It was because at this time, I didn't know who I was anymore. Almost all the thoughts about my own personal life were gone. Every memory I had was just a memory. It felt like I was dead, and I could just look at all the little things that happened in my life, and accept that fact that everything happened and past events were all gone. I had a sense of self satisfacoty for nothing. I accepted everything. I looked in the mirror and realized how fuckin ugly I am. Not because of the wavy shroom patterns, like in general, my face is fucked up. But at this moment in time, I accepted it, and my mind somehow convinced myself that I'm somehwat attractive. Even though I know I'm not.

Everytime I closed my eyes, I would get intense visuals that I could fall into and stay there forever. Patterns would form in m head, and 3d environments would come together, and my mind would just have a sensation of falling into it. As if I were in a different place. My body then felt completely numb. Every movement of my limbs was prety much unoticable. It felt like no matter what happens to any part of my body, my mind is just accepted of it. I could go through intense physical pain, and I wouldnt even notice it. My body felt like it was filled with numbing nitrous oxide. Kinda like that stuff they give you at the dentist.

Soon after the visuals, crazy, yet logical thoughts filled my head. While realizing all these visuals, me and James were going on and on about telling Andrew and Tristan our theories. I reflected my experience of personal life and how it intertwines with reality, UNreality, and the unfolding of the univers. My mind actually felt like it was wandering the universe alone, searching for answers. I kept asking why, and never stopped with unlimited reasoning. It felt like the only way to proceed with life is to ask more questions. I thought A LOT about personal life. I couldn't believe my life was my life. I couldn't believe anything. Everything was just so now to me, and my eyes were finally open. I had an intense feeling of being born again, and considered this shroom trip to be my first major religious experience.

I examined EVERYTHING that is transparent to my life and actual reality. I loved the fact that I was so far from reality at this point. My visuals were still peaking until the night time. Time passed so unbelievably quick that I forgot that time was a neverending moving thing. I was too busy analysing life and reality that time seemed like it could just stand still, yet it never does. Theres no such thing as a presesnt time, because time can only be divided into past and future. Present is supposed to be used to explain whats going on at the moment, but since we can't stop time and it always moves, there is a divided sude of past and future.

It seemed like everything I thought about in my life was all a made up story, or a dream. Everything that ever happened to me, all the people I met, seemed like pictures in a book to me, and I was just reminiscing. Not just remeniscing, but more like summarizing my feelings towards every little event I went through. I was so far away from reality at this point. I began thinking more, and realized there was a positive outcome for EVERYTHING. Pills fuck me up, because it intensifies any emotion I have. And everytime I pop, my mood can shift to a bad one so easily, and I can see the bad side to anything. But during this shroom trip, I was positive outcomes for almost everything. No matter how bad a situation might seem, I saw light and optimistic results. Everything seemed good to me.

I had a completely different outlook on life, reality, and the invisible line that seperates them two. When I was tripping, that lines seemed to deteriorate, and I explored both sides. I love not being in reality, and on this trip. I was analyzing everything. In my life. I never looked at myself the same way again. I had so many philisophical thoughts that seemed to make perfect sense to me. If only I still thought that way. But this mornin when I woke up, I was sober again. All those magnificant thoughts that made sense to me seemed to drift away. I don't feel the same way I did when I thought of all my reasoning. I was sure to bring back some theories to share with everyone. I could, and I sorta did, but it's just not the same when I'm in this stage of being stuck in reality. While tripping, the universe literally appeared infront of me and gave me answers to questions that mankind itself has been searching to understand. It seems as if theres a higher being (lets call it god) made psychadelic hallucination drugs to be NATURAL. And to think of it, hallucogenics are natural. Mushrooms are natural, LSD is natural, DMT.....etc. It seems like this highers being had a plan to create the universe and set everything out to flow naturally and evolve throughout the course of time. Maybe this higher being created pshycoactive hallucinogens on purpose, so that humans, and other living things can put these substances into thier body in order to extensively think and better understand the universe that was created. The more we become more connected with nature (eating shrooms, smoking cannabis), the better sense of reasoning and unfolding we seem to have.

Last night was a really crazy experience. It was Andrew's and James's first time shrooming ever. James just had a couple stems to chew on throughout a long course of time, and he still felt it and had almost the same deep thinking in the way I did. Major philosophical thoughts and deep universal thinking. I've shroomed many times before, but last night's trip was most intense. And I liked it. More than anything I ever tried before. My emotions were all within my control, yet at the same time they weren't. Last night completely relieved me of all the stress in my life. Right now, stress is not even an emotion I can feel anymore. Because of last night, my mind is now thinking A LOT more optimistically. I hope this feeling lasts forever.

I strongly pity anyone who would do a hallucinogenic drug just for the visuals. Everyone needs to take in consideration the logical reasons that would come to them so naturally. Now I know why my dad did acid a lot. His young lief was like mine. Stuff always bothered him and stressed him out, that he couldn't take reality anymore. He proceeded in life the right way, and studied at berkley for 15 years while getting a masters degree in biology and genetic engineering. Coincidentally, at the same time he was studying, he was chronically using acid, shrooms, and smoking weed. Yet he still proceeded...and his successful outcomes didn't even exist until he first hand experienced halluginogens.

It seems like theres a reason why these phycoactive substances are all natural on this planet. Think about it..