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I lost A LOT of seratonin. I lost a lot of it and it won't come back. I now regret taking all those ecstacy pills in the past. I've gone way way way over my limits of commitment I made to take back when I popped for my first time. Back then I didn't know it would take on a huge part of my life, but it did. I rembmer on my first time, I promised to take only 25 my WHOLE life. Now im definetely somewhere over 80, with over 30 different types of pills I tried. It released all the seratonin in my brain, and then got rid of it. Thats why whenever I'm 100 percent in reality, I don't feel as good anymore. Back before I popped for the first time, the worst shit ever could happen to me and I'd be fine. I'd find a good way to deal with it within hours. Now like the smallest things that happen to me seem to piss me off....A LOT.

I think it's really good i don't like anyone right now. I haven't for a while. This year was a complete fail for me. I had 2 girls that liked me, and 2 girls I liked. It was all my fault with the 2 girls that liked me. I ended up hurting them, and I made one of them cry 3 times. I regret that...a lot. I feel horrible cuz of it, but I managed to sort things out with her just a few months ago. Now were strangers. Another one of the girls I liked lead me on for pretty much the whole year. And the other girl I liked played the FUCk outa me. I would of said she lead me on too...but the fact that we did stuff and fooled around plainly reversed the situation, so she played me. And she lied, cheated, and faked her way out of it to get what she wanted, and abandoned my ass.

I thought that was a nice thought to put down. it also summed up like the whole school year for me, because the paragraph I put above was prety much lingering on my mind ever since september...wherabouts. Karma is doing a fukin bad job. It's not doing what its supposed to do. I'm sittin here doing nothing, just trying to help, and these people I named in the paragraph above keep fuckin with me, and they won't stop. I never been played this bad before in my life. She went from obviously having a huge interest in me, to letting me go. And the other girl won;t stop spreading lies about me. She keeps getting more supporters for herself, and makes it seem like the whole thing is my fault, when I know, and everyon else SHOULD know it isn't.

Nicole Ticzon is seriously like the realest person I ever met. I'm thankful that shes taking my side, because she's the only one that REALLY knows the truth about everything.

So many people are going to hate me for writting all this, but I don't care. If anyone tries telling me I'm wrong, they obviously have no idea whats really going on, at all...

Just to let you know how nice I am to my friends.....Tomorow I'm taking 5 early ass buses to get a pill for bryan. He needs one for his sophmore exhibition, and I went out of my own way to invest in some thizzles early in the morning to help him out, because another customer of mine reserved the super pill that bryan wanted hella bad (used my uncles pill press to combine 2 vitamin C pills with 2 yellow pistols). I told you i was nice...